“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27
There I was, 20+ weeks pregnant with our fourth child in four years.
I had cried most of the day, because our 9 month old daughter was nursing a lot and teething. Our three-year-old basically wanted to be back inside my womb, and our four-year-old was craving learning activities.
I was trying to teach our son pre-k in the morning and working hard to give all of our children equal attention (you know, on guard from Mom-Guilt, ’cause I’d never want them growing up thinking I loved one more than the other.), all the while trying to find the time to eat, shower, prepare dinner, and have the house and family clean and presentable when Daddy got home.
This day in particular, I just wanted to lay in bed. So tired.
I looked at myself, and all I could see was a pregnant, worn-out, mom of four.
In crept the thoughts…
“Why would he want you?”
“You’ve gotta do something with yourself… You have to get your hair dyed, nails done…something!”
“It’s going to take you years to regain anything even remotely resembling the life you had before.”
Then, the ever-repeating fear…
“If you let yourself go, he’s going to leave. Who would want to be with someone who has four little children anyway?”
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up.
Thankfully, that day I didn’t listen to those lies—I didn’t give in and feel defeated.
I prayed and asked God to help me, but instead of digging into the Word, I distracted myself. Have you ever been there? As moms, we tend to go on auto-pilot when we’re exhausted.
I read a short devo, drank lots of coffee, ate whatever I could find, fixed the house, played with our kids, and took the “best” care of them.
When they napped, I gave myself a pedicure and self-tanned while listening to a Christian podcast about identity.
Today, I’m 28 weeks pregnant.
Today, I pushed through the lies.
I woke up, asked God for a new perspective, and boy… What a difference that makes.
Instead of putting perfection and “Momming” first, let’s join hands and put HIM first!
Matthew 6:33 tells us,
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
“Seek first the kingdom of God.”
I wish I could say that this battle of the mind, this war against our flesh and spirit, will end and I can be free from sin. But the truth is, until we see Jesus, we will always be warring against Satan in the battle of the mind. Our flesh is weak!
“Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.” Colossians 3:2
“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:” Matthew 6:19
“Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;” Ephesians 6:11-18
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37
We HAVE TO gear-up, because the enemy is very crafty in the ways that he tempts us and draws us away from our Savior. He’ll use any lies he can to leave us dormant in our calling for Christ.
“Fight the good fight of faith.” 1 Tim 6:12
Jesus is the WINNER!!!
Jesus DEFEATED sin and death!
Hear me now, He IS the winner! Amen!
Fast forward… It’s 1:30AM.
I went to the bathroom, (yes, for the 50th time haha) looked in the mirror, lifted up my shirt with my kicking little man inside…
The Voice of truth… “I made you with this purpose in mind. Right now, you have a man-sized dream, but I’m gonna give you a God-sized heart for my God-sized dreams. Your hair, eyes, skin, everything… I intricately made you.” Designed with THIS purpose in mind.
“…fearfully and wonderfully made!” Psalm 139:14
“My plan = your heart pointed to Me.”
Amen!!! Our God is so good! There is no one like Him.
I share this testimony and this struggle, because I know there’s another woman out there struggling with the thoughts of the enemy, struggling with thoughts of inadequacy, struggling with where God has put her in this season.
She is distracting herself with whatever cares the world throws at her, thinking maybe things will be “better” once she has a cleaner home, a healthier body image, nicer clothing, greater affection from her children or husband, etc… the empty pursuit of perfection.
There are days I’ve asked God, “Why here, why now, why me?”
When the task at hand seems too big, know that we serve a BIG God. Nothing is impossible for Him!
We don’t need to know the answers, we just need to be obedient. Whatever He calls us to do, whenever He calls us.
Where you are RIGHT NOW, today, God is there.
For the believer, Jesus is holding your hand, saying, “Dear sweet daughter of Mine, come join Me in the plans I have for you. I will strengthen you and uphold you, no matter how hard life gets. I love you. I died for you.”
He made us with a purpose in mind, flaws and all.
Are we going to sit around and believe the lies of the enemy, or are we going to believe the truth of God and walk in freedom today?
There is so much joy waiting for us at His right hand.
For the joy of the Lord, endure.