June 2019…. 4 weeks postpartum with my little Judah.. that is when I found out my “sadness” every single day was postpartum depression.
My oldest was 4.5 years old, my second son 3, and my daughter 1 at the time. My body was a wreck and I beat myself up thinking the issue was my soul. That somehow I wasn’t reading the word enough or praying enough.
It was the hardest season of motherhood for me, by far. And ya know, I still have days that I get down.
We all have days but a life FILLED with depression isn’t good.
You don’t have to stay there.
I know now that I will not “always be depressed.” Like I once thought.
Or “Everyone is better off without me.”
Stupid enemy!!! Sending those lies back to hell was the best thing I ever did.
You know what I did. I FOUGHT!
I told Satan I wasn’t going to take my life like he taunted me to do for weeks. I would cry to my husband, “the enemy wants me to die.”
I knew the truth in my soul when I said those words and that’s what kept me getting out of bed each day… “JESUS IS LIFE!”
So that’s what I sang, and said every day.
“I need a breakthrough. Your power, you’re presence, breaks strongholds, King of heaven. When you speak mountains move.”
Jesus rescued me.
I determined that no matter how I FELT. I would praise, I would read the Word more than ever, and teach my kids the word more than ever.
Even if I felt extreme sadness or felt like dying.
(Goodness how I was so. tired.😭)
I would run to Jesus for LIFE.
As crazy as it sounds, I believe God wanted me to walk through Postpartum Depression to help others out of the dark. 😭😭
I can remember it literally like it was yesterday.
Beautiful day like we had today. 😭
All of my kids were so good and we had the best day. As I sat on my back porch swing I felt extreme sadness and fatigue all over.
I cried and prayed. “Lord, what is wrong?”
And I heard this still small voice,
“you need to take care of your body.”
IV antibiotics, nursing back to back, two early labors stopped, multiple infections and strep- My body and especially my gut was wrecked.
I never knew just how important it was to take care of myself than in that season.
So I looked into it all. Talked to doctors, nutritionists, and some wise women.
Prayed more than ever.
I was gifted with organic vitamins from a friend and after two weeks my husband said he saw a big difference in me. I felt the fog lifting from ppd.
So I’m hear as a testimony to say that you will NOT ALWAYS be depressed. #Jesusreecues us! Seek his face tonight.
This post is not out of pride or “oh look at me!” Or “oh buy my stuff.”
I pray you can see my heart is to serve.
I pray you surrender 2021 to Him and fight for freedom. 🙌🏼😭
💐 I want to give my BEST to God, my friends, my family and anyone I meet so I worked butt off last year to figure out this brain fog and hormonal roller coaster I was on.
I found confidential advise and wisdom in Counseling,
Practical tools for Motherhood and how to track my feelings (hormonal shifts) in Mom Coaching,
Tackling the brain fog, fatigue and other health issues from year of neglect through
focusing on Gut Health through plant base vitamins and supplements,
surrounding myself with others struggling too through a support group and talking to those I know seek Jesus and I can trust. (God does send people! Ask Him!)
If you’re reading this and you are in the middle of the darkness and sadness of depression, I’m so sorry. 💔💔😭
If you need someone to talk with you, I’m here. If you have any questions, I’m here.
If you want to know more about Jesus. I’m here! ❤️
You don’t have to stay there. #