Posted in Christian

“God Help Me Want to Truly Live Again…”

“God, help me want to truly live again.”

••••••

My sister-in-law so kindly snapped some pictures of my husband and I opening up our churches Awana program. As I looked through these pictures I remembered dreams I had years ago. I was reminded of the times I did not want to live and the time I tried to take my own life at 15. This is hard to post… but I believe it will help someone else out of the darkness of depression.

I can’t even begin to tell you just how much joy and grace I feel in our lives! 😭😭🙌🏼
Seeing many of our leaders coming together to make disciples… 😭😭🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

As I walked through depression in 2019 then many times there after struggling as I was striving to find a balance and natural way to deal with it,
I remember asking the Lord many times, “God, help me want to truly live again.”

I truly believe the Lord showed me these five steps that lead to a life a TRUE joy, love, strength and peace;
thankfulness,
repentance,
forgiveness,
surrender
and obedience!

Thank God for another day full of new MERCY (mercy is love that responds to a need in an unexpected or unmerited way.)

Repent- if there is ANY sin in your life, GET IT OUT! Confess your sin to someone you trust… (if you don’t trust anyone, ask God to help you trust! Ask Him to show you who you can trust. Keep in mind people are people. We all make mistakes. ALL of us! There is grace for that! ❤️❤️❤️)

Forgive- this one is a tough one right? Especially when it seems the hurt goes deep do the core of your soul from someone you loved deeply.
There is good news, we cannot forgive on our own. We MUST lay down that heavy weight of hurt at Jesus feet. We must lay down the judgment and “penalty” JESUS HAS ALREADY PAID on our behalf! He will make all things right!! HE WILL!
Trusting in Jesus helps us forgive.
Putting on love and asking His power to take over our lives helps us forgive.

IT’S all JESUS power. Not us!
So lay down the flesh and take hold of the power of the Holy Spirit, my friend!

Surrender by definition is “cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.”
the Bible says we were enemies of God
When we strive to live our own way against all God has called us to, it is SIN!
Surrender your want for His and FIND JOY!
This too is by the power of the Holy Spirit. Struggling to surrender, ask the Lord to help you as you dig into His Word!

Lastly, obedience. This goes right along with surrender. Now that you have said, “Lord, use me. Lord send me.”
He will tell you the next step. Many times it is unexpected and not what we **planned. Obey anyway. You may think you’re unequipped but God WILL equip you.

LISTEN. Go to a quiet place and just listen. He is right with you every step of the way.
This world is not our home. One day we will be in a place with no more sorrow… yeah, girl no more depression or anxiety! 🙌🏼 YES AND AMEN!
These scriptures below are a reminder of how we groan for eternity.
It’s not about “loving life” it’s about how “loving Jesus helps us LIVE life!”

“For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.
And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.
For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope.
For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.
For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:22-26‬ ‭

Posted in Christian

What to do when you don’t have “a village.”

I could feel the overwhelm this evening when dinner time came around after a full day of trying to get some things done with two toddlers. 😅😅

Mom life, it’s the wrestle between knowing I want to spend every moment home with them making it productive, teaching them “all the things,” and snuggling them.
(I know they won’t stay little for long.)

Yet, during the day it’s just me.
So the laundry, dishes and some cleaning are essential to helping our family life run smoothly. You feel me Mamas? 😉👊🏼

It isn’t first but it is needed.
Moms, we can carry a heavy load if we aren’t careful.
We are not meant to carry allllll of this!!!
It truly does take a village and sometimes we just have to ask for help.
I’ve seen more than ever the more I grow as a Mom just how broken our world is. We’re all kind of selfish, am I right? 😬

But what do you do when you’re in a season where you don’t have a village?

YOU SEEK JESUS ALL THE MORE!

When the dishes and laundry are piled high. When boo boos need kissing. Sippys need a refill. Your mind and body need care. Not to mention how bad you want a date night.

(This post is not a “I need… I need!” This is not asking for help because I praise God my sister is coming tomorrow 🙌🏼🙌🏼 stick with me here…. 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼)

HE CARES ABOUT IT ALL. And He IS carrying you through EVERY season…
EVERY trial!
EVERY sickness.
AND EVERY victory!
He is there!

When I wanted to die as a teenager, KNOWING just how much Jesus loves me saved my life!
When I was in the deep darkness of postpartum depression, once again He saved my life and healed deep wounds in my soul. He brought me out of the sadness I felt daily and led me into a life of joy!

Yet, He’s still working on me.

That means I have to be purposeful. I don’t have to run ragged knowing that I’ll snap at my hubby or kids.
I can CHOOSE to go drink my tea and go to a quiet place to be with Jesus!

The posts you see ARE NOT perfection…. these are choices to choose a smile in the mess. ‘Cause my life is messy too.😉

He is where I find my Peace..

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭26:3‬ ‭

He is where I find my Joy.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭16:11‬ ‭

He is the Living Water.

“Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’””
‭‭John‬ ‭7:38‬ ‭

And He can rescue YOU TOO!

“He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭40:2‬ ‭

Posted in Christian

Jesus Rescued Me from Postpartum Depression

June 2019…. 4 weeks postpartum with my little Judah.. that is when I found out my “sadness” every single day was postpartum depression.

My oldest was 4.5 years old, my second son 3, and my daughter 1 at the time. My body was a wreck and I beat myself up thinking the issue was my soul. That somehow I wasn’t reading the word enough or praying enough.

It was the hardest season of motherhood for me, by far. And ya know, I still have days that I get down.

We all have days but a life FILLED with depression isn’t good.

You don’t have to stay there.

I know now that I will not “always be depressed.” Like I once thought.

Or “Everyone is better off without me.”

Stupid enemy!!! Sending those lies back to hell was the best thing I ever did.

You know what I did. I FOUGHT!

I told Satan I wasn’t going to take my life like he taunted me to do for weeks. I would cry to my husband, “the enemy wants me to die.”

I knew the truth in my soul when I said those words and that’s what kept me getting out of bed each day… “JESUS IS LIFE!”

So that’s what I sang, and said every day.

“I need a breakthrough. Your power, you’re presence, breaks strongholds, King of heaven. When you speak mountains move.”

Jesus rescued me.

I determined that no matter how I FELT. I would praise, I would read the Word more than ever, and teach my kids the word more than ever.

Even if I felt extreme sadness or felt like dying.

(Goodness how I was so. tired.😭)

I would run to Jesus for LIFE.

For JOY!

As crazy as it sounds, I believe God wanted me to walk through Postpartum Depression to help others out of the dark. 😭😭

I can remember it literally like it was yesterday.

Beautiful day like we had today. 😭

All of my kids were so good and we had the best day. As I sat on my back porch swing I felt extreme sadness and fatigue all over.

I cried and prayed. “Lord, what is wrong?”

And I heard this still small voice,

“you need to take care of your body.”

IV antibiotics, nursing back to back, two early labors stopped, multiple infections and strep- My body and especially my gut was wrecked.

I never knew just how important it was to take care of myself than in that season.

So I looked into it all. Talked to doctors, nutritionists, and some wise women.

Prayed more than ever.

I was gifted with organic vitamins from a friend and after two weeks my husband said he saw a big difference in me. I felt the fog lifting from ppd.

So I’m hear as a testimony to say that you will NOT ALWAYS be depressed. #Jesusreecues us! Seek his face tonight.

This post is not out of pride or “oh look at me!” Or “oh buy my stuff.”

I pray you can see my heart is to serve.

I pray you surrender 2021 to Him and fight for freedom. 🙌🏼😭

💐 I want to give my BEST to God, my friends, my family and anyone I meet so I worked butt off last year to figure out this brain fog and hormonal roller coaster I was on.

I found confidential advise and wisdom in Counseling,

Practical tools for Motherhood and how to track my feelings (hormonal shifts) in Mom Coaching,

Tackling the brain fog, fatigue and other health issues from year of neglect through

focusing on Gut Health through plant base vitamins and supplements,

surrounding myself with others struggling too through a support group and talking to those I know seek Jesus and I can trust. (God does send people! Ask Him!)

❤️❤️❤️

If you’re reading this and you are in the middle of the darkness and sadness of depression, I’m so sorry. 💔💔😭

If you need someone to talk with you, I’m here. If you have any questions, I’m here.

If you want to know more about Jesus. I’m here! ❤️

You don’t have to stay there. #

Posted in Christian

Perfection doesn’t lead us to Jesus, Grace doe.

My son will be two this month and boy is he going through the sleep regression stage. 😬
This morning after I tried to get up early for the third time. As in,
I tried at 5am, 5:30, 6am
and then finally just gave up… Opened my phone to my devotion because I knew it would be a tough morning.
I got up *with him at 6:30 🤦🏻‍♀️

So you can guess, he was fussy and woke his sister then she too was fussy.
He usually sleeps until 8:30-9😬

“Mommy, no.”
“Mommy, hold me.”
“Mommy, Paw Patrol.”
“Mommy, milk!”

My older boys were getting ready for school. It was “wear as many colors as you can” for school today. (Dr. Seuss week)

I laid their clothes out but my oldest said he didn’t want to wear all of that because they’ll make fun of him. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I explained the situation. Lol He agreed. 😅

•••
You get the picture.
Hitting the ground running isn’t a good idea usually but most of us do it and it leads to spirally toxic thoughts about our worth.

I was trying to respect my husband working downstairs and get them to get off their booties to get out the door. 😅
After much effort… yes, I did yell at them to hurry up and get ready. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ ugh.
Long story short, my husband came upstairs upset (he was up most of the night studying and had already been up since 5).
When he got upset and I felt like it was just a reminder once again of just how much “I fail.”

But you know what?
As I drove down the road and I heard the Holy Spirit gently remind me, “Tell them about grace.”

I explained to my kids. “I’m sorry. We all mess up. No one is perfect. The way Mommy acted was so wrong. Can you please forgive me?” My oldest said, “Yes. I love you Mommy.

God forgives you. You can read your Bible to help you.”

Shew… I just cried.

You see, WE ARE A PICTURE OF GRACE.

NOT PERFECTION.

It’s not that we won’t mess up.
The truth is, we have a God that is SO MUCH GREATER than ALL of our mistakes.

I want my kids to see Who I run to when I mess up. Not a perfect Mom! There’s no way I can be perfect. I’m human!

Dearly beloved, ACCEPT His grace.
Hold fast to the HOPE of Jesus.
Remember it’s HIS strength not our own.
Walk in faith KNOWING that mornings like these are tests.
Will we give into guilt and the toxic thoughts that the enemy will throw at us?
Will we keep on acting out of anger or defeat?
Or will we lean into the POWER of Jesus that defeated sin and death. The same power in us as believers.

I do fail and I’m so weak.

BUT HE IS STRONG!

Posted in Christian

Jesus can Replace our Fears with Joy and Make Us Brave

Written 2.15.’21

My girl…
soaking in all this time before she turns 3 soon. 😭
I remember when I walked into the hospital while in labor with her. I was so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to take care of three kids.
I kept thinking “God, how do you think I’m going to keep them all alive?” 😅

Well we’re almost out of the diaper stage for ALL of them 😭 yeah Judah thinks it’s cool to go potty too.
And you know what, I was right. I can’t keep them alive but God can. He is the breath and life to our bodies and souls.

His strength in me is the only way I can be a good Mom. I can try to do all the “right” things but He is in control.

I post a lot about energy and no need for naps many days and it’s pretty cool not crying because I’m so tired all the time.

But you know what I’ve learned is even cooler and much more freeing as a Mom?
Taking. Time. To. Rest.
Saying this for the woman like me who feels like so many days she’s hustling when she just needs to stop and take the nap.
Take the screen time beside your babies.
Stare at their eyelashes.
Thank God for a husband that carried, yes literally carried me to the bed this evening and said, “Mommy needs to rest.” 😭😭
Today was non-stop, y’all.

You are so loved dear Mama.
Jesus never said we had to hustle and rush around in order to live.

We can trust Him to hold our tomorrow and all the things we don’t get done today. ❤️

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28‬ ‭

freedom #Jesusrescuesus #cometoHim #mamamollyblog #sahm #sahwm #ppd #restMama #surrender2021